he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
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