Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
