Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
