It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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