sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
