some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
