Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
My brain says no but my pants say off.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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