He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
