That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
