he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
