oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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