I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
