And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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