i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
It's never too late to be topless.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
