So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
