What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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