Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
