I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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