i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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