I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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