Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
