oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
