Who wears a wallet chain?!
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Vodka?
Forever.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
