I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
