I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
