My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
So squirting runs in the family.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
