it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
