Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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