if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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