sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
