I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
