i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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