Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
