no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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