and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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