he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize