Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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