where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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