Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
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