Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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