i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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