using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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