awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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