My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
