Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
