I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
