I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
foreskin is a definite game changer
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
