Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Randomize
