Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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