I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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