nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
