There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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