You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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