theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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