we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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