Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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