he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
God, I missed his penis.
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