ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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