took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
