You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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