I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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