We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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