She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
