I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
