We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
