I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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