Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
