so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
