I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
