I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize