this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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