You made me cry and you don't even care
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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